Psychology for love and sex

Psychology for love and sex

Let me not to the marriage of true minds 
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
 Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Shakespeare, Sonnet 116.



The qualities of true, romantic love have inspired playwrights, poets, and philosophers throughout the ages. Love is an ideal; an inspiration — a feeling of passion and commitment that adds richness and joy to life. A loving relationship provides a secure base from which to grow, expand and explore the world. Yet, until recently, we did not know for sure whether romantic love could last, or whether it inevitable transformed into companionate love — enduring friendship characterized more by shared interests, commitments and values than passion and excitement. Or, even more disappointing, perhaps love inevitably fades and couples stay together in miserable or passionless relationships because of social convention, convenience, and duty.

Are Kids Relationship Ruiners?

Research suggests that all of these patterns are possible. First, the bad news! Researchers at Bar Ilan University in Israel studied couples with children from pregnancy to 14.5 years after the child’s birth in two overlapping large-scale studies.  Overall, marital satisfaction decreased following the birth of the first child and continued to decline steadily, reaching an all-time low when the kids became teenagers. The more kids, the greater the decline in marital satisfaction. Dissatisfied couples did not inevitably divorce, however. Marital dissatisfaction was not significantly related to breaking up, except if husbands had especially low satisfaction during the first child’s transition to school.  Those couples with stronger relationships to begin with had less decrease in satisfaction.  The take home message is that marriage with kids is not just a bed of roses. While children can provide much pleasure and meaning, they can also take time away from couple bonding activities, place stress and emotional demands on parents, and lead to fights over parenting strategies and division of labor. Financial stress and a routine of errands and driving kids around can further erode relationship glamor and romance. Parents may be too tired for sex or even, conversation.  Thus, romantic love between parents, if left untended will diminish in intensity during childrearing years, most of the time. Shared commitment to parenthood, pride in kid’s achievements, and involvement in kids’ social, academic, and sporting activities can provide alternative sources of fulfillment and friendship during these years. When kids leave the home and couples have more time together, they can often rebuild closeness and intimacy. 

Love in women

Love in women

Women In Love: The Basics
Published in 1920, Women in Love author D.H. Lawrence, an early 20th century British novelist, poet, and playwright, writes about sisters Gudrun and Ursula, the Brangwen sisters. The sisters meet and fall in love with two men who, like them, are emotionally intense and often confused about love and life. The novel has a middle school 'break up/get back together' cadence to it that draws the reader in as it examines relationships and societal expectations between men and women, and even men and men. Eventually, the drama of these highly reactive couples results in tragedy.

The Characters
The story is set in England where the four main characters live:

Ursula Brangwen is the older sister and works as a teacher. She will fall in love with Rupert Birkin. Ursula is weary of marriage for women and sees it as a trap; she struggles with this concept and her role as a woman.

Gudrun Brangwen, the younger sister, is an artist who pairs off with Gerald Crich. She is a passionate character and is often seen struggling to align her personality with social norms of women of the time period.

Rupert Birkin works as a school inspector and is often thought to be semi-autobiographical of Lawrence. He's written as a passionate character with strong ideas. He is often ill.

Gerald Crich is a complex character who is heir to a coal-mine fortune. He struggles with the past and present ideas of men and their role in society.

Plot Summary
The book opens with a conversation between the two sisters about marriage. They later decide to go to a wedding, and meet their future loves, Gerald and Rupert. We see an early instance of modern views versus new ideas of love play out as Rupert grapples with an old flame, Hermione Roddice, who wants Rupert to marry and dominate her. He begins to fall in love with the more modern Ursula, though. Eventually things come to a head when Hermione tries to smash Rupert's head with a paperweight, and Rupert decides he'd rather not be involved with Hermione Good call!

Rupert and Ursula's relationship develops quickly. Sometimes Ursula is sure of her love for Rupert, and sometimes she needs to be reaffirmed. Rupert, though, is sure of his feelings and wants to know her as deeply as possible. However, not much later Rupert suddenly realizes he's in love with Gerald and pushes him for a vow of commitment, which Gerald is conflicted about. Though he loves Rupert, the male-male relationship and his growing love for Gudrun confuse him.

The storyline picks up at this point, as the characters begin reacting to each other and letting their emotions run the show. After some back-and-forth, Ursula realizes she's in love with Rupert and tells him she will marry him. But there's a little snafu with the proposal (we'll talk more about this later). Rupert angrily leaves Ursula's house and goes to seek comfort in Gerald, where the two wrestle in a very suggestive way. Lawrence uses these and other interactions to make readers wonder if relationships are themselves complicated or if we are the ones complicating them with our assumptions and ideals.

Ursula and Rupert marry and the foursome decide to take a vacation to the Swiss Alps. Things start off swimmingly for the couples but soon take a nose dive when a fellow traveler, Herr Loerke, starts flirting with Gudrun, who is excited by the new man. Gudrun had initially felt a strong attraction to Gerald but, because he lacks a certain passion, her feelings are wavering. Lawrence leaves us wondering if Gerald is truly aware of Gudrun's feelings.

One afternoon, Gerald finds Loerke and Gudrun on a picnic and becomes enraged, almost strangling Gudrun to death. At the last minute he lets her go and storms off into the mountains, where he dies of exposure to the cold. Gerald must have known it was unsafe to go off alone in these conditions; was his hike suicidal because of Gudrun? Gudrun is devastated, despite the fact that she wasn't sure of her feelings for Gerald
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